Category: relationships
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How we see people has a huge impact on how we interact with them. If you expect the worst from someone, that’s what you will see and you will be tempted to treat them with contempt. If you expect the best of someone, you will tend to engage with empathy and connections. This post was…
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The following is an integration of material from Life Model Works and what I have learn while coaching and mentoring people since the 1980s. TL;DR Love is the Measure and Goal We were made by God to experience love in the context of relationships. A concise definition of this sort of Godly love is: willing…
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The optimal size of a group is first determined by the function of the group. A group will need the requisite skills, abilities, experience, and manpower to accomplish its goal. In addition to function, there are cognitive and social underpinnings which influence the optimal size of a group. Studies suggest optimal group size tends to…
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This has been a grief filled week. My sister’s husband Don passed away on Monday. It that wasn’t enough, most of my close friends have had some new grief in the last few weeks. Finally there is the horrible devastation from the Israel / Hamas war and the “civil” war in Sudan. This morning Hidden…
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Unconditional love is the most powerful and important force in our world. Love is the heart of our connections and communities, possessing the remarkable power to mend fractured relationships and bridge gaps between people. Love not only opens our hearts to others but also serves as a potent catalyst for learning and personal growth. Love…
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I am forever thankful to my friend Craig and an unnamed housemate who helped me to understand that I had to choose whether I loved people or things more. I purchased my first car on a Thursday afternoon and proceeded to drive it to where my house church was meeting. Right after the meeting ended…
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Snipped from The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Jack Kornfield (#684). BoldItalic added by me for emphasis Jack Kornfield: In all these years, my understanding really is that it comes down to love. I’ve met [inaudible 01:05:26]. And lamas, and gurus, and lamas and everybody else in between in my industry. And some of them are fabulous.…
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The following is a list of the lessons I learned, beliefs that were strengthen, and/or topics which frequently came up in discussions with other while walking the Camino. Walking the Camino provided a wonderful opportunity to consider what makes a meaningful life. The book Walk in a Relaxed Manner by Joyce Rupp is far more…
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The following is one of the posts that makes the rounds a bit like a chain letter. No idea who the original author is and how it has changed from when it was first written. My wife received it from a friend as we were talking about several of these items which made me think…
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I recently talked with a student I mentored years ago about some mid-life course corrections he was considering. This prompted me to think about my mid-life transition in 2011-2012 as I grappled with losing Libby to cancer. The follow is a remembrance of what changed then, and how I think about these issues ten years…
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TL;DR Treating others as valuable by taking the time to really listen and to be present in the moment is one of the most impactful practices anyone can engage in. Not thinking about what’s next. Not thinking about how to respond, but giving people our whole attention. A friend was telling me about how he had been learning to…
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TL;DR Contempt is extremely corrosive and will destroy relationships and society if not countered. Rather than encouraging people to repair a breach, contempt encourage people to separate, widening the gap. The solution is to truly listen to people you disagree with, looking for how you share values “the why” even when you disagree about what’s…
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Truth is the only thing worth standing on. Lies, falsehoods, secrets, excuses, might seem expedient, but they are like quicksand. They will drown your life if you walk in them. Lies can only hurt people and will rot away your heart and conscience. Secrets limit your ability to share fully with others and hurt your…
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Last night I had a spirited discussion with some friends about US politics. One of our friends was expressing a concern that historically the US has been too “nice”, hopeful, helpful. We have created a culture people want to enjoy, but now we will be taken advantage of and ultimately destroyed. We need to be…
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Jackie says “Weee….”, Mark says “Whatever”. We are different Not a week goes by when Jackie and I don’t have a serious argument…. and I am so thankful for this because our arguments grow our understanding and character. The root of our arguments is often that we see the world from different perspectives. As we argue,…
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The dominate culture in the US prizes freedom and choice above all else which has led us to have one of the most individual oriented cultures. Garret Kell’s article entitled The Second-Most Important Book for Every Christian is a great antidote to the individual focus we are exposed to. What is the second most important book? Your…
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I have written early a bit about the important Christian practice of offering hospitality. Often this hospitality is in the form of opening our homes to others. We we can also extend hospitality beyond our homes by providing meals to others. In the last 30 years I have been both a recipient of, and a…
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A month ago I happened upon a short story on NPR about the rule of reciprocation. The human inclination to reciprocate has been used by canny individuals and organizations throughout time to extract factorable actions from others. Over the years I have worked for companies that have different standards about gifts received from vendors and business partners. Some…
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The following is part of a series of posts sharing what I have learned about dating and marriage which is to complement the teaching series we are doing at Young Adult Fellowship. While this post specifically addresses dating relationships, the core principle is equally applicable to platonic friendships or relationships with coworkers. I have had…
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As I mentioned in earlier postings, you shouldn’t expect to find someone who is a perfect compliment for you, someone who is perfectly mature. Why? Because both you are a work in progress. Neither of you will be fully formed and “perfect”. So it’s pointless to look at a person as they are now, and…